Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
