I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
