Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
