how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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