Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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