Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
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Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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