i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
