yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
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If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
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I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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