You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
