you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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