i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
