I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
