There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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