Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
