sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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