help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
