You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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