Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
