ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
