does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
