i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
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His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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