so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
