I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
