dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
