I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
