Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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