Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
