I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
