His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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