A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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