C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
