Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This house was built for laser tag.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
