just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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