Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
