i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
