Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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