So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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