shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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