just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
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there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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