sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
