oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
