My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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