How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
