Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize