i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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