you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
