fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
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So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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