Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
