UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
