Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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