I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
