I bet he comes in French.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
