so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
