this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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