That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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