Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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