shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
