Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
