So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
