i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
