I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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