no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
