can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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