It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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