he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
