Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
